Mother's Daughter

I look at her and my anger burns,

My love and care she continually spurns,

I try to pull her in as she pushes away,

Safe in my care, I just want her to stay.

Safe and surrounded in love’s my desire,

To pull her to safety as she’s playing with fire.

“Your folly,” I cry, “will hurt you in the end.”

She treats me the enemy, when I’m her true friend.

The ache in my soul overwhelms my heart,

I want her close, she keeps us apart.

Silence is her hammer, she pushes me out,

My wisdom she questions, she embraces her doubt.

I cry out in pain, “I can see things you don’t!”

Trust me or listen, she just simply won’t.

On the straight path, I hope she will stay,

Middle fingers up, she goes her own way.

I’ve waited, I’ve cried and I’ve begged and I’ve pled,

Fallen all on deaf ears, every word that I’ve said.

Her heart is hard, into the dark she willfully races,

“I’ll do it my way,” is the life she embraces.

A reckless life, not counting the cost,

She chooses to live her life just like the lost.

The grief in my heart for these sad, estranged years,

Dejected I sit, drenched in my tears.

Weary from the battle I continue to lose,

Finally then, to look up is what I choose.

“Father,” I whisper, “I don’t know what to do.”

He whispers right back, “She looks just like you.”

“Going on your own, doing things your own way,”

“Refusing to rest and to trust, have faith every day.”

“How many times have I called you, yet you refuse to come near,”

“And you know I’m the one Who can make your path clear.”

“My love has been pure, patient and kind,”

“Your love and your pride are badly entwined.”

“In folly you thirst, and yet reject My Living Water,”

“Blind to the truth, she’s simply her mother’s daughter.”

“I’m the One you can trust, I Am your True Friend,”

“Stop going your own way, and on Me just depend.”

“Weary from your chase, it’s time to let go,”

“Put this in My trustworthy hands that you know.”

Beaten and broken, I’ve striven too long,

Forgetting in rest is where I belong.

This futile fight was never meant to be fought,

Chasing a runaway has left me distraught.

“I see it now, Father, I’ve run away too,”

“It’s time I relent and just run to You.”

“Help me let go, and let You fight for her soul,”

“After all, to be her savior was never my role.”

“Help me, Abba, until I surrender in full,”

“Take back Your throne, in my life reign and rule.”

“I remember now, You are in control,”

“To be both our Saviors was always Your role.”

By Diana DePriest

© September 19, 2023

I Can Choose.

I wrote this back in 1999 that still hangs on my wall at work. Actually, looking at the date I wrote it exactly 15 years ago yesterday. Anyway, today it caught my eye and I decided it was worth sharing.

I hope it brings someone a little encouragement.  



I Can Choose

I cannot control what I face in my life,
I cannot prevent all my struggles and strife.

But I do have a choice in what I do and I say,
And can control the choices I make along the way.

I can look at my circumstance and let it guide what I do,
Or Lord, I can choose Truth and stay focused on You.

I can choose to worry of what the future might bring about,
Or I can trust You today Lord without wavering in doubt.

I can react in emotion to the feelings I feel,
Or I can choose to stand firm on Your Word that is real.

I can choose fear, uncertainty, "what if's" or "may be's,"
Or I can choose You and Your Word and what forever will be.

I can choose Truth and all the peace that it holds,
And then stand secure no matter what circumstance unfolds.

For Lord, Your unchanging Word, it will anchor my soul,
And then no matter what I might face, I can stand whole.

Strengthened, assured, confident, standing firm in Your care,
I can choose You and Your Truth and find my hope there.

So Jesus, my Lord, it is You and Your Truth that I choose,
And in my choice I attain victory that I can never ever lose.

By Diana DePriest
© October 12, 1999.

Ache

The burden of knowledge is great

You say "Look" but I do not want to see 

But what I see I say and it comes at a cost

The cost is grand

Speaking Truth 

It makes me untrustworthy

Why is that so?

Ignorance would be blissful

To not know

To have nothing to say

To be simple

Easy

Non-threatening

Not me

"Pray," they say

But it does not settle my soul

Injustice

Unfairness

Exclusion

I cannot stand to watch

To stand watch

It is easier now

Standing on the outside

But to watch others be pushed out

My own pushed

On the outside

Because they belong to me

Their ache is my ache

Their hurt is my heart

When they strive

I put myself in their path

I take the blow

I become the culprit

Because I see

What they cannot see

And though they hear

The Truth

They do not understand it

This broken world

The broken life

We broken people

We hurt

We hurt each other

I ache

My people ache

Your people ache

All of creation aches

For You

In our pain 

We wound

Wandering towards Home

But not really knowing the way

Longing for Your voice

So hard to hear

I wish that I did not see

Did not speak

Did not ache

But even more

I wish it for them

But it is not to be

For the longing is real

We are far from Home

Travel is wearying

The road is too long

Ache

Diana DePriest

© August 21, 2014

Battlefield Mind

Wandering thoughts, my mind's gone astray,

I find myself thinking back on a previous day. 

My mind gets cluttered with "how's," what's," and "why's,"

A longing to "see" what wasn't seen with my eyes. 

I'm weary of the battle to wrangle my thoughts,

Consumed with suspicions, "what if's," and "have nots."

Some days I'm clear, focused in the here and the now,

Then something happens and drags me back there somehow.

A dream or a memory brings back a face I've not seen,

Back into my present, making my focus unclean.

Where is the lock that will guard the door of my mind?

Where is the solution that I can't seem to find? 

Relentless the enemy, as he whispers at me,

"You'll never find hope; you'll never be free." 

"Always at mercy will you be to your past,"

"Any semblance of freedom, it won't truly last." 

He beats to weary my spirit, what shall I do?

"NO!" I cry out. "That just isn't true!"

"Whom," I declare, "the Son sets free is FREE,"

"Greater than you, is the One living in me!" 

TRUTH is my sword, it beats my enemy back,

I can stand up firm, survive his attack.

"Help!" I cry out to the God on my side,

"Be strong my child; hold to My Word," He replied.

"Pray it. Praise it, Treasure it in your heart,"

"For I'll finish the battle, your enemy thought he could start."

"Abide in My Word, and I'll abide in you,"

"Reject the deceiver's lies, hold to what's true." 

"You're Mine and I love you, nothing comes between you and Me,"

"Nothing and no one can rob you of your victory." 

"Your mind is a battlefield, and yes you're at war,"

"But you won't fight alone; I'll guard the door." 

"I hedge you in before and behind, have no fear of release,"

"You, focus right here, and I'll give you My peace."

"To this battlefield mind, you are not sentenced you see,"

For you're destined for victory, and your victory's in Me." 

By Diana DePriest
© January 30, 2013

A Psalm

No more difficult battle have I fought a foe,
Then the battle to overcome an embittered soul.
Like twisted in an impenetrable twine,
A true sense of freedom I cannot find.
I struggle and fight, try to get free,
But the anchor of the menace is rooted in me.
The facade of victory lulls my heart,
Then suddenly I find myself back at the start.
A memory, a picture, a word takes me back,
All my effort folds under the attack.
Like a belch from deep inside my soul,
The bitter root just stops me cold.
Where is my justice, Lord, where is what's fair?
Do You see my hurt? Do You even care?
The guilt of that query, for I know that You do,
It's my embittered soul that accuses You.
You alone are my Hope, for the freedom I seek,
Praise You, Your strength perfect when I'm weak.
I must rise again, in this battle press on,
Never give in til the bitterness gone.
Praise You, praise You, You are why I'll forgive,
For in Your forgiveness and grace I do live.
Love You, love You, it's why I long to be free,
For You came to birth Your grace inside me.
Lead me, lead me, You alone are the Way,
To destroy this bitterness on a soon coming day.
Holding, trusting, believing in Your Word,
Confident, certain, that my prayers have been heard.

A Psalm by Diana DePriest
August 21, 2012

Untitled (For Fallout)

If you'll journey to the cross,
Where triumph meets despair,
You'll find that there beneath it,
The ground's badly broken there.

Heaven and hell went to battle,
For not both could have its way,
And the earth was forever changed,
When grace came down that day.

And there it left its mark,
When the foundation was moved;
For despite the fallout of the battle,
God's Word it had been proved.

So bring your burdens there,
Leave them on the broken ground.
Then quiet, still your soul,
Hear the song of hope resound.

The journey isn't easy,
But you won't be turned away,
Then allow the Lord to lead,
He'll lead you not astray.

Diana DePriest
June 12, 2012

Disqualified

I feel disqualified.

I feel so stuck in hurt and in bitterness. I sincerely strive to move away from the past, and then the past moves toward me.

The new life I am trying to forge in a new place feels tainted.

It's like I'm tangled in a spider web and I'm flipping about spasmadically just trying to get unwound.

But people are watching that can't see the web, and I become consumed with what they must think.

About the crazy girl, dancing around and making a fool of herself.

But even the spiders have scattered.

I feel so alone.

Can't seem to get untangled from the past, can't move cleanly into the future.

Makes me want to just hide, cut the ties from the before, and not even aspire to an after.

Rejection is my companion. Rejection is the only consistency I know.

I know, but I don't say, but the ashes of their accusations blow into my life anyway. The ash leaves me filthy. The ash hinders my ability to breathe.

But they stay upwind from the fire they burn. I alone stand down wind.

Even those I traveled away with have moved on. Their new beginnings have all begun, they're moving on, settling in, I alone remain.

Filthy.

Disqualified.

Angry.

Bitter.

Alone.

Begging God to wash me clean.

The ash is a shame, but it's not mine, I didn't build the fire.

But still.

Surely I will not remain here forever but I fear it might be for always.

Until that Day.

No more tears.

Every knee bowed.

I bow mine now, by choice.

I hope a dangerous hope.

Perhaps.

Might I find a way?

May I bow low enough for the ash to finally blow by.

And not on me.

In Jesus' name.

By the power of the Holy Spirit alone.

Alone.

But today I am still covered.

Still filthy.

Still wondering if they think I'm crazy.

Just because they can't see the web.

By Diana DePriest
© February 16, 2012