Written September 10, 1992, This poem is part of my testimony. You can read part of the related story by clicking here.
Forgive Me
I know that you're angry and you're hurt,
Now that I've made my lie known to you.
I didn't do it to make you sad,
But because I believe you had the right to know what's true.
I had lived the secret for so long,
It had become a part of me.
I had been so deeply hiding my evil deed,
For fear of what might happen if you ever did see.
For such a long time I lived with the guilt,
As it slowly ate me up inside.
It was so hard to keep the secret,
Of how our baby really died.
I'm not sure which was worse,
The horror of what I'd done, or the fear of losing you.
I just know I wanted to die,
As my rock and hard place grew.
There is no fault in what happened,
Except that which is my own.
There were no easy choices, but I chose,
How things would be so different if the truth I had only known.
Abortion is just a nice word,
For the murder of an unborn child.
And the moment my abortion was over,
I knew it was our baby that died.
The deep regret I feel is a pain,
I hope you never hold in your heart.
Because even though it was our baby,
In her death only I took part.
You may now want to retaliate,
For the pain this truth's caused you.
But you can't cause more pain for me,
No matter what you say or do.
I know the truth of my responsibility,
I lived through all the guilt and pain.
And because I was the one that caused it,
I often thought I'd go insane.
But now I have taken my hurts to Jesus,
And asked Him to help me heal.
I'm so grateful for how He's showing me,
That His love and strength are real.
He's showing me He's forgiven me,
And that it's myself I must forgive.
I hope it's in your heart to forgive me too,
And together with healing we can live.
© Diana DePriest
