Emotional

This gift that you've given, it feels like a weight,
I want to cherish it, sometimes it fills me with hate.

I hate that I'm not doing what I feel like I should,
I hate that I'm feeling like I'm misunderstood.

My heart aches with longing to fulfill a call,
And sometimes I wonder if one even exists at all.

I feel out of sorts, like I have nowhere to belong,
Am I a mistake, the one thing You got wrong?

"You're talented," they say, "You have such a gift,"
And it's the one thing that sends me adrift.

I hate these emotions that swirl through my mind,
Egged on by the answers I can't seem to find.

Perhaps my aspirations aren't holy at all,
Am I dreaming too big or dreaming too small?

The battle is constant inside my head,
Some days just waking up overwhelms me with dread.

I just don't know what it is You want me to do,
Is this all there is? Can that really be true?

I wish that You'd take dreams and talents away,
I don't think I can bear them even one more day.

I pray, You seem silent, it has to be me,
What is my sin, or my failure, what can it be?

Where is the fruit? I strive to abide,
To walk in Your ways, I've constantly tried.

Human "being," I know, but I still long to do,
I desperately want to serve some purpose for You.

Some days I just wish my dreams and wants would be gone,
But I'm pretty sure, that too would be wrong.

I know You're still Sovereign, even when I don't undertand,
So I need to find comfort and peace that my life's in Your hand.

This hurt in my heart, will someday be through,
I don't know the answers, but I know that You do.

I come back to Your altar, and lay down again,
You are Lord and Savior, but also my Friend.

Your thoughts are so many, and all for me good,
Of that there's no question, it's completely understood.

So I know all this hurt, and even feeling so lost,
It does not compare when I'm counting the cost.

All to know You, I will lay all aside,
Please help me Lord, help me abide.

In Your presence, but more, in confident trust,
For me to press on, I know this is a must.

My emotions are not what I count on as real,
My walk of faith isn't based on how I feel.

Feelings are hard, they're a burden to bear,
Too hard to carry, to scary to share.

Are they sin? They're not holy, what can they be?
They're the really hard part of just being me.

Me, I'm the problem, I need to die at the Cross,
I lay down at the altar but I keep crawling off.

Crucify Me! Put "ME" and this flesh to death!
Help me take in a fresh holy breath.

Breathe in eternity, take my focus off me,
Only when You are the center, can I ever be free.

It doesn't undo that these feelings are hard,
But my heart is Yours, that means its Yours to guard.

So I confess them and ask that You help me move past,
Because I know this emotional ride won't always last.

But You will be here, You'll always remain,
Yesterday, today, forever- the same.

Your Word is what's real, Your promises true,
So on this crazy ride, I'll hold on to You.

By Diana DePriest
© January 29, 2012

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Hebrews 13:8

Then the Lord answered me and said:
“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry."
Habakkuk 2:2-3


I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
Romans 12:1

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
Psalm 139:17

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Be Still

Be still my heart, find peace in the chaos,
But even in silence, I can't find the payoff.

The voices in my head create angst and unrest,
No matter how still I am, my mind is distressed.

I reach out to capture and force them to obey,
But they fight and they struggle, go their own way.

"The Word," I demand "says do not go that direction,"
But sin exists there like a chronic infection.

"Be still my heart," I cry out in despair,
"Worship the Lord, reach out to Him in prayer!"

My focus, I try, to rest on Him alone,
With my heart and my soul, to bow at His throne.

But the flesh it arises, it pulls me away,
Double-minded with doubts, my faith seems to fray.

"Fight the good fight!" my soul, I demand,
"Only by His strength, am I able to stand."

Focus, focus! On a God I can't see?
Yes, focus on the God who's revealed Himself to me.

Can you fight for quiet, strive to be still?
Can rest be worked for or created at will?

I long for silence that I might hear Your gentle voice,
I can choose to listen, but hearing's not a choice.

Lord, Your servant listens, I pray that You speak,
I long for quiet and rest, so Your presence I seek.

Lord call this mind that wanders, to come hither to You,
To quiet and rest and to peace that is true.

Be still and quiet before a Holy and Heavenly God,
In the peace of His presence, it is no facade.

Still, at rest, in Your presence, I pray,
I cannot find it, but You've made a way.

You've promised, You, if I seek, I will find,
Help me to focus, my heart soul and mind.

A Savior You gave, to draw us near to You in love,
A Spirit You give to love us here not just from above.

So why is this struggle to be still going on?
It's this flesh of my own that makes it all wrong.

But the flesh has been conquered, though it's death may seem slow,
Though it's sometimes hard to feel it, there's victory, I know.

I will be still, my heart and mind they will bow,
For through the power of Your Spirit, they will find how.

Draw, I will draw, near to You my Lord,
You draw near also, hope of peace be restored.

You are God, this I know, so therefore I'll be still,
And Your promise of peace, I know You'll fulfill.

By Diana DePriest
© January 22, 2012

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
Psalm 46:10

Heartache

There's a heartache that lives inside of me,
Ache deep inside born of a desire to be free.

Free from the temporary and things that fall short,
For all of the good things that sins mar and distort.

My heart hurts for being so much less than You meant,
For all the days longing, waiting, failing, I've spent.

My heart aches for questions that go unanswered each day,
I ache for the fear that it may always be this way.

I ache for the pain I see all about,
I ache for the fear, confusion and doubt.

The whole of me aches because this world is not home,
And sometimes while here, I feel lost and alone.

Heartache so great like a wave it pulls me deep down,
At times I can't breathe, overwhelmed by the darkness around.

My heart aches for You, I long to breathe You in deep,
Rest under Your wing where there safely I'll sleep.

I need You Lord, take my aching heart in Your hand,
Bring healing and hope, give me strength so I'll stand.

Always the heartache will linger, I know,
Because where I am now isn't my home.

I'm not who You created me to be,
I'm bound by this world, not living free.

My heart aches for the day when we'll stand face to face,
And my heartache will heal in Your warm embrace.

I love You Lord, my heart aches for You,
For Your love, and hope, and Your promises true.

By Diana DePriest
©January 22, 2012