I want to cherish it, sometimes it fills me with hate.
I hate that I'm not doing what I feel like I should,
I hate that I'm feeling like I'm misunderstood.
My heart aches with longing to fulfill a call,
And sometimes I wonder if one even exists at all.
I feel out of sorts, like I have nowhere to belong,
Am I a mistake, the one thing You got wrong?
"You're talented," they say, "You have such a gift,"
And it's the one thing that sends me adrift.
I hate these emotions that swirl through my mind,
Egged on by the answers I can't seem to find.
Perhaps my aspirations aren't holy at all,
Am I dreaming too big or dreaming too small?
The battle is constant inside my head,
Some days just waking up overwhelms me with dread.
I just don't know what it is You want me to do,
Is this all there is? Can that really be true?
I wish that You'd take dreams and talents away,
I don't think I can bear them even one more day.
I pray, You seem silent, it has to be me,
What is my sin, or my failure, what can it be?
Where is the fruit? I strive to abide,
To walk in Your ways, I've constantly tried.
Human "being," I know, but I still long to do,
I desperately want to serve some purpose for You.
Some days I just wish my dreams and wants would be gone,
But I'm pretty sure, that too would be wrong.
I know You're still Sovereign, even when I don't undertand,
So I need to find comfort and peace that my life's in Your hand.
This hurt in my heart, will someday be through,
I don't know the answers, but I know that You do.
I come back to Your altar, and lay down again,
You are Lord and Savior, but also my Friend.
Your thoughts are so many, and all for me good,
Of that there's no question, it's completely understood.
So I know all this hurt, and even feeling so lost,
It does not compare when I'm counting the cost.
All to know You, I will lay all aside,
Please help me Lord, help me abide.
In Your presence, but more, in confident trust,
For me to press on, I know this is a must.
My emotions are not what I count on as real,
My walk of faith isn't based on how I feel.
Feelings are hard, they're a burden to bear,
Too hard to carry, to scary to share.
Are they sin? They're not holy, what can they be?
They're the really hard part of just being me.
Me, I'm the problem, I need to die at the Cross,
I lay down at the altar but I keep crawling off.
Crucify Me! Put "ME" and this flesh to death!
Help me take in a fresh holy breath.
Breathe in eternity, take my focus off me,
Only when You are the center, can I ever be free.
It doesn't undo that these feelings are hard,
But my heart is Yours, that means its Yours to guard.
So I confess them and ask that You help me move past,
Because I know this emotional ride won't always last.
But You will be here, You'll always remain,
Yesterday, today, forever- the same.
Your Word is what's real, Your promises true,
So on this crazy ride, I'll hold on to You.
By Diana DePriest
© January 29, 2012
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Hebrews 13:8
Then the Lord answered me and said:
“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry."
Habakkuk 2:2-3
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
Romans 12:1
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
Psalm 139:17
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
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