I Am Bitter

This taste overwhelms not my mouth, but my soul.
This bitter root that I cannot control.

"Put off," says Your Word, so it should be easy to do,
But it isn't simple, rather so hard to be obedient to You.

The root runs down deep as it strangles my heart,
It distorts my perspective, we seem far apart.

I tug and I pull trying to pull my heart free,
But I need the kind of strength that I don't have in me.

Sometimes I think progress is moving me past,
Then something arises and revelation is fast.

I am bitter.

Hurtful words resonate, and the pains of the silence remains,
The memory of the harms, this bitter root it sustains.

"Forgive," You command, and sincerely I try,
Then I hear another rumor, I hear another lie.

This chain that connects us, I can't seem to break free,
But they walk unhindered, the only prisoner is me.

In silence, so many, look away from their shame,
And nothing ever changes, the tyranny is the same.

My mind risks consumption, the bitter root seems to rise,
Constricting the life from me, distorting my eyes!

I am bitter.

I cannot fight free, I don't have the power,
Will this bitter root haunt me till my final hour?

I do understand there's no right to the grudge that I hold,
My mind assents to Your Truth, but my heart won't be told.

Take this Lord, I'm pleading, remove this root from me!
I long to walk in Your will, desperately I want to be free!

I stand not on justification, I relinquish every right,
I'm so weary from the ache, I do not want to fight.

My flesh holds a tight grip, disobeying what I know,
I have to give it up, I have to let it go!!

And yet I am bitter!

I have no hope of better, this thing I cannot do,
Please God, I surrender, I need more of You.

I confess it, Lord, as sin, this bitterness I hold,
Please rescue me from me, don't let my heart grow cold.

I do not have the power, in my strength I can't be freed,
But I know Your promise, whom You set free is free indeed.

At your altar I lay, and I pray that You would heal,
My heart, my mind and soul, of this bitterness I feel.

My heart knows it is bitter, of its truth I am aware,
But greater Truth is this, You love me and You care.

I am bitter, but I am Yours, You'll leave me not this way,
I'm longing for my wholeness, in a soon and coming day.

By Diana DePriest
© February 7, 2012

The heart knows its own bitterness,
And a stranger does not share its joy.
Proverbs 14:10

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor,
and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36